Yes, this is a piece of zombie fiction. No, it is not related to my impending book. “Corporate Zombie” takes place in a different world, with slightly different rules. Here, zombies may not learn, but they certainly never forget. And yes–that means zombie ninjas are possible.
It’s $1 to buy, or FREE if you’re a Prime member (don’t worry, Amazon still pays me even if you get it for free), so why not check it out?
I’ve been prepping non-stop for the release of my new book, so I figured I could use a little diversion. Somebody posted a link on facebook to I Write Like, a site where you can see what famous writer you compare most to. In their words, “Check which famous writer you write like with this statistical analysis tool, which analyzes your word choice and writing style and compares them with those of the famous writers.“
For me, I’m sure my style varies project to project, but I decided to give it a whirl for INFECTED, my imminent book. Choosing five different sections, I got four:
Obviously, I’m flattered. And it’s tempting to agree. Palahniuk’s writing is visceral, raw, darkly comedic, and a hell of a lot of fun to read–all qualifiers I aimed for on this project.
To read David Foster Wallace was to feel your eyelids pulled open. Some writers specialize in the away-from-home experience — they’ve safaried, eaten across Italy, covered a war. Wallace offered his alive self cutting through our sleepy aquarium — our standard TV, stores, political campaigns.
Writers who can do this, like Salinger and Fitzgerald, forge an unbreakable bond with readers. You didn’t slip into the books looking for story, information, but for a particular experience. The sensation, for a certain number of pages, of being David Foster Wallace.
Of course, it kind of feels like a horoscope reading, where everyone is fated to lead an awesome life. I mean, honestly, who’s going to balk at being compared to a pair of geniuses? Something tells me you won’t ever input your writing and see the result:
So, just for fun (and because I really needed a diversion), I dug up some old writing I worked on in middle and high school. Here was the result of the analyzed opening text:
Which more or less proves, in my opinion, that there’s no “bad answer” to the program. Either that, or I was a genius on the level of Joyce in grade-school. Ha.
Still, it’s a fun diversion. Give it a try, what results do you get?
As promised, here’s an update on my impending book. I’ve gotten round one of reader feedback from my betas, with Mike somehow making it through unscathed (that dude is a ZAdass–Zombie Apocalypse Badass–sorry…that’s awful) and Chris showing me the best ways to die. Seriously, Chris can be in my survival group, but he’s not making the decisions (love you, man).
What’s up now? I’m sending the manuscript out to a professional editor next week, so she can shred it apart before it rises again as an immortal hellion bent on spreading across humanity like a virus. Also, I’ve got a talented cover artist working on a custom design for me. Here’s something she did a couple of years back:
So with all this awesome news, why am I suddenly terrified?
Maybe it’s because I’ve been toiling in obscurity so long it’s all I know? It’s like all I’ve ever wanted to do is go skydiving, and now that I’m standing in the door, I keep thinking how crazy I am.
Well, ready or not, I’m making the leap — in a month, perhaps.
Okay, I haven’t posted in a while. Sorry about that, but I’ve got two really good excuses:
1) I’ve been busy scrawling away at my breakaway novel.
2) I’m getting married in… (let me check the calendar)… 7 days.
So, I’ve been a little busy. However, In keeping that this is a professional blog, let’s focus on #1.
Over the last five months, I’ve worked nearly every day with the goal of at least 1000 words. Looks like I averaged around 740–not bad considering I drove across the country, spent two months away from home, and was busy planning a wedding. Okay, to be fair, my fiance planned most of it.
Still! For the first time, I’m going to be a published writer. This is a certainty. Not because I’m sure I’ll woo an agent and a publishing house, but because I’m not even going to try. I’m self-publishing. I have a story that those in the biz (and people like me who want to be) call High-Concept. This means as soon as I tell you what it’s about, you’ll want to buy it. No matter that you’ve never heard of me and I have no track record; it’s that compelling. Scout’s honor.
It’s a zombie apocalypse story, I’ll say that much, but I’m not going to tell you what makes it so compelling just yet, not until the press release. Sorry.
Thinking of using this for my author picture in the back.
Instead, I can tell you what to expect from here on out. 1) Updates about the progress of the book’s editing, cover development, and release schedule. There is still much work to be done before the release. If you want to subscribe (over on the right), you won’t miss a thing.
And 2) News on the short stories I’ll be publishing as ebooks in the upcoming weeks and months as well.
But you’ll probably get neither until after the wedding.
Here we are at the start of a journey. I’m glad you can join me!
I’m a former Air Force officer, I left that job and Montana about a year ago, so I’ve been doing some reflecting.
In the past year, aside from a ton of writing, my main goal has been to get happy again. I was once a happy-go-lucky type and I’d slowly become bitter through my nine years in the military. So I resolved to never have a bad day. It’s all my time now, I told myself, it’s up to me to make sure I’m happy. I can no longer blame anyone else.
And I did it! A whole year without a bad day. But here’s the thing–it’s not like I wasn’t frustrated and it’s not like everything has gone my way. The difference, is that I choseto be happy. And you can too.
If I had to put it succinctly, I’d say a good life is simply a collection of moments lived well. So then the key to a good life is simply enjoying each moment. There you have it, the secret to life.
I think one of the biggest dileneators between man and animal is that we can choose to be happy. Hear me out.
Like me, my dog is happiest when she’s writing.
A dog can be happy. I can see my dog is loving life when we’re playing or I’m giving her attention, and I can tell she’s sad when I put her in the crate, scold her or she’s feeling sick. But none of those things are within her control. She has no concept of what happiness is. We, as humans, can actually outthink our bodies. We can tell when outside forces are affecting us, and we can literally say, “No.”
It’s not easy, but we can.
If you get a flat tire on the way to a weekend out of town you can either get pissed and curse the tire, or you can say, “I’m going to enjoy my weekend and this won’t stop it,” fix the tire and move on.
They say life isn’t about the destination but the journey. What if the journey is so ridiculous and discouraging that you wonder if the destination is actually worth it? I say the journey is the journey. You can complain that your butt hurts and car travel makes you nauseous or you can get some snacks, plug in an audiobook, and enjoy the scenery.
I think we have to overcome our own cynicism, to some extent. I have a friend on his way to becoming a professional pilot and he’s worried. What if he hates it? What if it’s true that pilots are only glorified bus drivers? All that stuff is just in his head, I say. He already knows he enjoys flying. So if it’s, “I’m just a glorified bus driver” vs “I get to fly through the sky on a daily basis, a career that Da Vinci only dreamed of, like a Greek god blazing across the earth on gossamer wings”…which one do you think should he pick?
Comedian Louis C.K. provides some insight on the topic.
I’m not naive enough to say everything is your choice. Like you can get kicked in the balls on a daily basis and say, “I’m still happy!” So control what you can and roll with the rest. Get out of bad situations, do your best to enter good ones. That’s what I did with the Air Force job. I’m sad to say, it got me down in a major way. I don’t hate the military or anything like that, but do I hate what I did? Absolutely. I was a nuclear missile officer–a Missilier, if you like made-up words–which I firmly believe is the worst job an officer can have. I was frustrated, overtaxed, undervalued, and perpetually tired.
Feb, 2011. No, that’s not the flash. I was that pale; what do you expect? I worked underground. There were no tan lines on my body. And this is on a happy day, my birthday, yet still I look like a freshly exhumed corpse. Here’s what I look like now.
I’ll save that missile talk for another day. Today’s about being happy.
I created this blog post while I was on a run, as a discussion in my head, after things were looking up. I started off tired and feeling like crap, so I told myself to enjoy the sun, the breeze, and the way my body felt. Then I grew happier.
That’s all it took. Just outthink the negative and you too will be happy, damn it.
P.S. (If you want some awesome insight on feeling happy while running, I highly recommend Born to Run. Maybe you can listen to it as an audiobook on your journey?)
Disclaimer: I am not a legal professional, and nothing found on this site should be taken as legal advice. Always consult an attorney.
I’ve already written about the differences of Screenwriting vs Prose from a writer’s perspective. Now I’d like to touch a little on the differences between the finished products: Scripts (screenplays) and Novels (books). Physically, here you go:
The Script: Three-hole-punched 8 1/2″ x 11″ computer printed paper, bound with two brads.A Book: Bound pages, professionally printed, in a variety of shapes and sizes.
What I’d really like to talk about in this post is what the rights a writer keeps if they sell a script versus selling a novel.
Here’s what it boils down to: when you sell a screenplay, you are (generally) selling the whole thing. It’s no longer yours. Other writers can (and probably will) make changes to your story without your permission. When you sell a novel, you’re still the copyright holder and it’s still your writing, you’ve just given the publishing house the rights to print and sell it.
As a writer in the US, you have far more rights as a novelist than as a screenwriter. In Europe, screenwriters have more rights, but for this purpose–I’m talking only about American writers making deals with American production companies.
There are ways to keep certain rights to a screenplay, such as the extremely complicated Theatrical Separated Rights. On the flipside, there’s also terrifying loopholes like Hollywood Accounting, where you might never even get paid. For the most part, though, screenwriters aren’t even allowed to distribute the very scripts they wrote once they’re sold.
But as a novelist, you keep your copyright. Even if your book is getting adapted to film–in which case you only license the material to the studio, allowing them to make the film, much like you allowed a publisher to print the book.
Really, we can chase this rabbit down the hole as far as we want, but I think if we go much further we’ll need a pack of lawyers to read the map. So… that’s it for now.
Lesson learned: write the book first. Sell it twice, keep the rights!
Springing off the great suggestion of the Automattic Worldwide WP 5k, I decided to extend the offer to my network and bait the trap with a $10 amazon giftcard for top male and female finishers. The Asynchronous Team was comprised of friends, family, colleagues, and followers. I asked for a picture, race time (to determine the winner), location, and something stating why they ran. Many rallied to the call of walking or running a 5k, and those who volunteered to send me a bit about their race are featured below.
Looking good, girl!
Congrats to our female winner, Michaela G. in Montgomery, AL!
Michaela G.
3.2 in 23:59
Montgomery, AL
Despite the fact that I split the categories into male and female, Michaela was the our overall winner. She’s awesome, and my fiance.
She’s only in Alabama for training, but she’s been working out a lot and it’s paid off!
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Apparently he's so fast you can't see him!
Congrats to our male winner, Nate D. from Easthampton, MA!
Nate D.
3.1 “pretty flat miles”
Easthampton, MA.
23:40
Why Nate’s running? He’s an avid runner, but the last month he’s been swamped with work and hasn’t gotten out. This challenge provided the motivation to get out and clear his head.
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The long hair is temporary, but I'm diggin' it.
James Schannep (your author!)
Texas
3.15 in 25:00
I grew up in Texas (mostly) and my parents still live here. Whenever I visit, my dad and I walk a 5k every morning joined by his golden retriever, Trooper.
This visit, I’m taking care of my dad while he recovers from foot surgery.
Down, but not out.
He was heartbroken he couldn’t participate in my big 5k day, so I made a plan to keep him involved. He became my official lap counter and photographer. Trooper watched while I ran with my lab puppy, Buttercup.
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Derek's midnight raid
Derek W.
Singapore, Singapore
Official start time: 2310 Singapore time zone 29APR2012
“I ran for about 6.1k then walked another 3.5k. I did not finish until roughly 0015. Have some amazing friends in Singapore and they invited me to live out here which is why I will likely not be able to attend the wedding… :(”
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This is Tony's happy face.
Tony M.
30 minutes 20 seconds (start time was 1300 EST)
Fort Washington, Maryland (4 miles outside of Washington DC)
“I’m running because I think Facebook users usually emphasize useless things in order to make someone else feel that their life is somehow lacking. This activity doesn’t require money or extensive equipment/planning and it’s built around unification of effort despite distance or dissimilar localities. I think it’s cool and positive.”
Oh, Stephen...
Stephen S.
Killeen, TX
3.1 in 28:27
Stephen did THREE 5ks this weekend with his new bride, Amy. They enjoy being active together.
No, these are not raceday pictures.
Amy S.
Killeen, TX
3.11 in 37:07
My lovely sister! She likes to do races, but she ran today solely because of the Asynchronous team. It was run #3 after all…
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Point to the man in the picture having a good day.
Chris B.
Ponce inlet beach, FL
28:12
Why’d you run, Chris? “Because I wanted to support a friend’s idea. And for a great view of the…uh… ocean”
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Not much, Mike. Not much.
Mike B.
Los Angeles, CA
“I have no idea how far it was, but it took me about 24 minutes. Should be around 5k, considering it was pretty hilly and I was going at jog pace. What else do you need from me?”
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Good to see great friends!
KacyJane & Mike G.
“Time: ME: 37 minutes (I walked) Mike: 27 Minutes
Location: River’s Edge Trail, Great Falls, MT
Me: Trying to get back into shape after a stroke.
Mike: Trying to get back into shape. Thanks for the Idea, it was fun.”
Just another day in paradise.
Richard Y.
Hawaii
22:45
Why did you run, Rich? “PT huah, also I did it to make sure Michaela didn’t get to uppity thinking she was faster than me.”
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Do you see the Irish wolfhound?
Hans C.
Wildcat Hills, just inside The Ghost wilderness area, Alberta.
5.7 km
265 m elevation gain
1620 meter elevation
220 M&M’s
1 hour 37 minutes
I hesitate to call Hans’ hike a “walk”, but if ever there were a badass walk, this is it. And thanks for the candy stat!
"Going my way?"
Bart and Marcella S.
5k run (walk!)
on the beach in Carlsbad, CA
Start 10:04am, finished in 45 minutes.
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45mins is a pretty fast walk, eh?
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This couple is one of the more fun I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. Lucky me, we’re related. They ran today because Marcella loves two things: facebook and a challenge!
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If they did it...what's your exuse?
Samantha, Brian, Liam, Stella & Chief D.
Queidersbach, Germany
1 hour (we would have run but the stroller weighs 50 lb!)
“We participated so that we could have some family fun walking in the Germany countryside.
Thanks for the idea!”
Sister walk!
Sarah D. and Alison B.
Texas
3.15 in 1:04:00
These are a couple of my sisters, and yes, I walked it with them too 🙂 And then I took a nap. They’re busy working moms striving to make fitness a priority.
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I only had to give a few piggyback rides.
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The kiddos followed us the whole time! First 5k race–29 April 2012.
That's a "go" sign, people.
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Hal W. & Janet S.
Osmanthus Trail, VA
6+ miles, with a 3.1 loop
Loop in 48:12
“It was a great day for a hike/walk here…It was partly cloudy and a tad chilly, in the low 50s. We walked in on a multi-use path called the Cape Henry Bike Path (the photo is from that part of the hike). My wife and I hike/walk (sometimes jog) for exercise, but also as a way to spend time together. We always have fun conversations about art and life and day-dreaming.”
* * * * * * * * *
Thanks to everybody who participated, and to our honorary members as well. Great job everybody! Winners can expect their prizes soon. Let’s not wait a year to do it again…
Author’s note: From time to time, I have promotions on twitter. When @Weaverwerx became my 300th follower, I offered a prize. Highlighting this charity was his request, which I am pleased to honor.
Jungle Friends Primate Sanctuary is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization, located on 12 acres in Gainesville, Florida. Their mission is to rescue and offer a permanent, safe haven for monkeys from around the United States who have been abused, confiscated by authorities, retired from research, or who are ex-pets.
In a way, this issue strikes me on a personal level. I lived in Great Falls, Montana for a number of years. There was this little pet shop downtown with a glass facade where the same captive monkey would look out at passers by with a blank stare. Among my friends, we lamentably called him “the saddest monkey in the world”. Mostly, the monkey was kept in the back and the few visitors who happened by could clearly see the poor little guy had lost his mind.
Such is the life of a captive monkey.
Fortunately, Montana no longer allows the sale of monkeys for pets. However, that pet store still has a supply of monkeys “for out of state buyers.” If Jungle Friends aims to end such cruelty, this is a mission I can fully support. From their website:
Jungle Friends discourages the keeping of primates as ‘pets’ and we hope the practice of stealing baby monkeys from their natural mothers will end. Baby monkeys are literally pulled from their protective mothers, sometimes when they are only three days old, to be sold as ‘pets’. It is not hard to imagine the horror both baby and mother monkey must feel during this traumatic and forced separation. Sadly, it can take a lifetime for the grief-stricken mother to come out of a depression brought on by this thievery and there are always scars left on mother and baby from such cruelty.
This post serves as the official announcement that I’ll be self-publishing an ebook later this year (hopefully this summer). It’s the new Wild West in publishing, and anything is possible in this exciting time. I’m proud to be part of this neo-Gutenbergian movement bringing far greater reach for the written word and empowerment to writers.
I’m still finishing my manuscript, but I’m getting close to completion, so I’ve begun researching ebook self-publishing already. As such, expect updates chronicling what I learn along the way.
For this entry, I want to highlight editing. A professional editor is perhaps the single most valuable resource a publishing house deal could provide. But the indie writer is not without hope thanks to the internet. Many excellent editors freelance, and I’m searching for one to work with now (so feel free to contact me with any leads!).
All the short stories on this site are, hitherto, unedited by a professional; peer-review only. As a part of my learning process, I’ll be taking these stories down in the next upcoming weeks, sending them to editors, and then publishing them as ebooks.
Author James Schannep 