Walking Dead Tomato Heads

Now that everyone’s gotten over the giant tease re: The Finale*, it’s time to dust off my biggest gripe with The Walking Dead.

*SPOILER (highlight this paragraph): I think the cliff-hanger might’ve been more effective (and less cheesy) if they would have just ended the show when Negan shows up, grins, and looks to his bat. Save his monologue for the cold open next season. It would work great to remind us of the situation (seeing everyone’s face, etc).

There’s a lot to love in the show, and there’s a lot to hate. It’s polarizing. I have friends that can’t get enough, and friends who quit after the first couple seasons. I started off marketing INFECTED with the slogan, “Love The Walking Dead but hate the group’s stupid decisions? Decide for yourself and get INFECTED!

But, I suppose that’s a horror convention. Somebody’s gotta go in the house. What I can’t forgive, however, is the ease with which the zombies are dispatched. It’s as if the virus has suddenly melted away bone and replaced the ghouls’ craniums with tomatoes. I get that they’re rotting and slow, but a skull takes a while to rot away and has evolved to be pretty good at its job (protecting the brain).

It’s just physics:

  • If you hit somebody in the head with a blunt object, their head will bounce away. Even a very sharp knife. They’d have to be braced for penetration.
  • You can crack a skull with a wild swing, but then you’ll need a second or third blow.

Now for the fun part. The evidence:

Oh man, my head fell off!


I don’t care how much of a bad ass you are, you can’t punch a zombie to (2nd) death.


Gushers anyone?


I’ll just give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume it got back up again.


Two swings and…hey, where’s all the candy?


What’s next? Push a bullet through their head?


Not just through the skull, *all* the way through. Who is sharpening these crowbars ?


Doesn’t get much blunter than a pipe, annnnnnd that’s not how you’re supposed to use it.

Don’t even get me started on knife kills. There was a time when they used to make an effort. Someone would hold the zombie’s head while stabbing it (so it wouldn’t bounce around), or they’d go through the eye, or up the chin (using gravity to keep the walker in place). Now it’s just like pushing your finger through jell-o.

Instead, I’ll rest my case with the best (worst) of the bunch:

[no caption necessary]

Am I being nit-picky? Maybe, but I don’t think so. I get that the show’s theme is “the living are more dangerous than the dead,” but I just wish I was on the edge of my seat more when a zombie is on-screen and rolling my eyes less when it’s dispatched. They’re just soooo easy to “kill” that it seems strange when someone gets bitten or eaten. How come their teeth don’t just turn to mush instead.

Either way, just don’t expect to get off this easy in INFECTED or PATHOGENS.

What do YOU think? Notice the same thing? Don’t care? Have an explanation for me?

Leave me a comment below, and don’t forget to share and subscribe!

Opportunity Knocks and I’m Out Partying

Well, damn.

I just got invited to sell my book at “Walker-Stalker Con” in Georgia. It’s a zombie convention where the cast of The Walking Dead will be present to sign autographs.


The bad news? I’m a groomsman at a wedding that weekend!

And I got a call from the Ft Hood PX (only the largest US military shopping outlet in the world) asking if I’d do a Halloween signing. Which, if not for the wedding, I could do an epic roadtrip and hit both. Pack the Prius full of books and make it a thing.

Obviously, I want to be part of the wedding (love you Brian & Emily!), I just wish they didn’t conflict. The gods mock us mortal men!

Positive spin: my ‘little book’ is starting to get some big attention. There’s always next time, right? Right?!